There were five of us in the car. She was talking about racism and how it was still alive. I was rebutting with the fact that sometimes people different races thinks something is bad only when another race does it and sometimes it's taken out of context. I am human, I have a race, but there are somethings that I don't count as racism and other do. (Before you point fingers, I'm a minority all around.)
The argument was getting no where and she wasn't listening to a word I was saying and I got frustrated and so I said that the conversation was over. We did not talk about it again and continued our journey.
I started to feel terrible. I did not have to shut her down like that and in front of everyone. I started to think of how to apologize and I found that a lot of times my apology in my head went like this, "I'm sorry, but ...". Every apology I had was also defending my actions and I wonder, why am I apologizing if I have to defend my actions? It is not an apology if I am also defending my actions that lead me to be apologizing in the first place.
If my actions were correct, then I should not be apologizing for my actions but apologizing for whatever else I did that was not correct.
Later my friend approached me, she wanted to apologize too and I was given the opportunity to apologize as well. I apologized for my actions because they were wrong and I did not try to defend myself and tell her why I had to take such actions. We accepted, hugged and were happy. An apology is only true if you mean it. I think that it's also only true if you genuinely think that your actions are wrong and in doing so you will not be defending your actions but you will be sorrowful for having executed them in the first place.
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