In the recent months I've actively asked God to help me with my temper. The verse in Ephesians - Be angry and sin not - has been running though my head every time I felt like I was losing my temper. It's OK to be angry, but do not let it lead you to sin and above all do not let the devil take hold of it.
I always knew I had a horrible temper, there are stories I can tell of how angry I would get and how it affected people around me in a bad way. I will never forget the time I was continually angry for weeks! We had visitors staying over for a few weeks - friends of my mother - and one of my parents said something to me, they were joking, but I (who usually can take a joke) took offense and I never let it go. I would fume while I was home, shut myself away and not want to join in any family activities with the visitors, yet I could not let go of that anger that I felt. It took me just about a month to finally be able to speak to my parents properly again and by that time it was too late. The guests have left and the damage was done. I always look back on that event with a large amount of sadness. Sadness at the way I shut everyone out and sadness at the fact that my light was not shining for Christ during those few weeks, sadness at the fact that I could have been a light to these people but I was not. This was when I finally started to take notice that something was wrong. My anger was all consuming and it needed to go. I could not be a light for Christ with this hanging over me.
Fast forward to today, with a lot of ups and downs, I have let it go to God and asked for him to take care of it and for the first time I noticed a vast change.
It was really late this past weekend and I didn't get a lot of sleep on Saturday night - 2 hours to be exact - so on Sunday I was really tired. We watched a friend race and then we went to have some dinner. I was so tired that I needed something caffeinated - preferably coffee - to drink. We stopped at a local Mac Donald’s and there were just two people ahead of me. Between their complaining and general disregard for the time of day (after midnight) it took me 20 minutes to finally get to the register and order my coffee. Everything rubbed me the wrong way. The server was too slow, she stopped to look after fries instead of getting me the coffee, she didn't have cups set up and she gave me too much change. All I wanted to do at that point was sleep but everything around me was getting on my last nerve. Yet, through all of this, instead of getting angry at her, I managed to smile and tell her - quite politely - that she gave me too much money for change. I was able to leave and leave the anger behind. Instead I started to feel sad for her, the fact that she's working those hours and the people coming in were not entirely the most pleasant people that you will find.
Looking back at this I'm a bit shocked, not because I didn't get angry, but because I was showing compassion, something that I don't usually show when people irk me. Maybe God is breaking down the shell of anger around me, maybe he is putting something better in its place. In all this, praise God.
Comments (1)
Someone accused me of having a temper today, and after brief reflection I concluded they had it right. We temper the metal by putting it into the flame. The flame of irritations hardens us as well, for battle.
Whether there is humor behind it or not, you will hear people say 'Don't ask God for patience; he will send you trials.' But actually, your Ephesians quote is right on the mark. Be angry. That's fine. Be and know it. But sin not. That where the patience is so important.
The hope is to end the suffering, and the faith is that patience will allow that.
So I'm glad I came across your pointer to Ephesians.
Thanks.