As I get older the one thing my grandma is verbal about is my singleness. I know it's cute when she prays that the Lord will find me a good and Christian husband - I pray amen to that too - however, in this time of singleness I've learned a few things.
1) Out with lists!! I love making lists! I have lists of tasks, lists of events, lists of books. Making lists is fun. I started making a list of characteristics that I would like in my future husband - the FH for short - and I found out that many times my lists were just so perfect that I was never right for my FH.
I wanted him to be romantic, yet I find that I am not great with handling compliments and thanking people for them. I am learning little by little that I am very uncomfortable when placed in such situations and if I was to be logical about it I am learning that I might not be able to give as much as I expected FH to give. Or to gracefully receive what I expected FH to offer.
I wanted him to be extremely intelligent, but then I realize that this might mean that he might be into movies/games/books that I have no interest in whatsoever and well, we might not have the best conversations.
FH : Honey, did you read about the new planets in our solar system? Apparently a little girl came up with the mnemonics for it.
Me : hmmm? *googles planets in the solar system*
I think I am satisfied with someone that is educated.
Instead of making elaborate and perfect lists I've decided to look at the broad picture and look at key facts.
a) I need someone in my life who is a Christian. Not someone who claims to be a Christian but doesn't live it. No, I need someone who is a Christian and loves the Lord.
b) Someone who is a gentleman. This person respects women and is willing to put the effort towards helping women on the whole, when they see the need. For example - opening doors or helping with heavy bags.
c) Someone I can respect.
I've seen that when I stop being so narrow and perfectionist in my thoughts towards what FH should look like and act like, then I feel as though I might just be ready for meeting the FH and might just be able to be the person that the FH is looking for himself.
2) Enjoying the time at hand. Many people that I've spoken with who are single feel as though they need to be in a relationship to be worth something. They feel that a relationship will define who they are. They get so bogged down with this that they miss the joys of being single. You don't have anyone to answer to. You don't have to take care of someone else or think about whether or not another person might feel left out that you are hanging out with your girlfriends all weekend long. You can easily go to other places in the world - whether it be to work or for fun - without having to think of a long distance relationship.
Being single is not a bad thing. Being in a relationship is not a bad thing. These things become bad things when we let them take over our lives. For all things God must be the center.
3) Be content. Going off of the point above I find that a lot of times people are not content in their singleness. They want to find someone and go out seeking that person. Sometimes that takes over their life and in the end affects their walk with God.
There have been times when I wonder if maybe God wants me to be in the current state I am in for a reason and instead of trying to find the FH I have decided to take it as it comes and see where God is leading me. He knows my heart and I trust he knows my desires, yet, if this is not the season for me to be in a relationship then I need to be content in this season until it expires and he moves me on to the next adventure.
4) Work on my flaws. I have many. I know that I am a bit too selfish to be in a situation where I have to constantly consider another person's feelings. I know that there are things that I do that are selfish and I know I need to fix them. My temper - I need to fix it. This time is important to me because I want to let God build me spiritually and I also want him to help me with my flaws. I am well aware of where I fall and I am well aware of how much I need him to help me. I also know that if I am going to have anyone else involved in my life I will be distracted from letting God do what he has to do.
Sometimes we just need to take time and let God deal with our lives before we let another person into our hearts.
Overall I feel pretty happy with where I am right now. I love meeting new people and learning more about their backgrounds. I love being involved in new activities. I love being able to go places and see new things. New ideas and trying to do them whether I fail or succeed. While these things may not be interrupted in a relationship, I know for sure that at this particular time in my life I am where I need to be and so I am content in it and in knowing that God is taking care of my needs.
Comments (10)
i know exactly how you feel. i haven't been on a date in over seven years (i'm 23) because i'm waiting for the right person and i refuse to settle. most people think i'm nuts to be single for this long, but i'd rather wait 10 years for the right person than be with the wrong person for 10 days. i'd feel even lonelier knowing i was with someone i had no future with
minus the month i courted a girl (whom i desperately am in love with but serving her as we both mutually agreed it's not the right time to court)
i've been content w/ being single... loved it...
now back in the single game... i don't know... there's a discontent for me now knowing that I love this girl (which is a big stretch for me considering 25 years of blessed singleness) and desiring to marry her... i think i have to push to being content...
but that's just me...
but yea... enjoy it... it's cheaper... less stressful do deal w/ another's emotions apparently... and you can focus on Jesus more...
@leadworshipper82 - not the right time for a relationship on the whole? Or not a right time for her?
@shanella - for a relationship... for her... and well.. i guess u could translate that for me as well in this regard... i mean what could I do? Say "No you're wrong so stay with me..."
no... so basically we both are looking at it as it's the wrong time for both of us... and we'll see in a few months...
Yeah, its often a struggle, the whole being content thing. There are times when I feel comfortable being single, and times when it feels like a crushing weight. So that's something I pray for help with, and need to pray about more often.
point #2 - i totally agree with. singleness is good, and relationships are good; as long it's all centered on God. after all, we're to honor and glorify Him in our lives, whatever situation or stage we find ourselves in. i personally have been learning a lot to just seek God, and not seek to fulfill my own desires. good post :)
@leadworshipper82 - so were you guys in a relationship before and she decided she wants a break? Or is this a new thing?
I'm just curious because sometimes from a girl's perspective when we say we don't want something - as important as a relationship - and we're not playing with the person's feelings we generally mean we don't want anything.
@shanella - yes... and we both mutually (she felt this) it just wasn't the right time... so we've decided to connect back in 3 months... i don't wanna go into details... but that's basically it and so we're both growing in Christ at the moment...
@leadworshipper82 - Ok .. well good luck with that :) I do really hope in the end it works out for you.
Personally I just find it hard to grasp the idea, but maybe it's because I've never experienced it.